here

It's 1 30 on night before the return home and I think I want to stay in this unfamiliar bedroom with the lights turned off and never face the day again. Thank you Sw for the lipstick and for telling me I can board the first train to your house if I'm sad on অষ্টমী। I love you and I would dump the bowl of oats on M2's head if he ever tried that shit on you again. There's no way you will ever read this but thank you all the same. I promise to buy you cheap liquor with my first salary even if I don't win the lottery and you are 80 and have liver problems by then. Thank you Mu for not asking why my eyes were swollen and lending me pants, thank you Domino for spending your internet on me for two hours straight just to make me feel included, thank you G for saving me 27 clothing tags and stickers, thank you Bh for letting me ride your bike although I could have crashed it to pieces. I once told F that it's always easier here. The harmonium house has been sold, for 32 lakhs to a brahmin man. I don't know how the details matter. The point is that they will bring down the whole place and remodel the rooms and I will never ever ever get to look inside before they do it. It's right there right now right in front of me and it's still so unattainable. I think I'm fixating and I think my mind won't stop running and I think I want to stop to catch a breath and I don't know if I'm too invested and if it is tedious to listen to long days and if the too much will overcome me. It sounds like that, sometimes. I keep fearing that here will lose its magic one of these days when I'm away for too long and people have moved into the monkey lair and the kids are too grown up to make me bookmarks. Where will I go then? Tomorrow morning scares me. I think I should remove this blog link from public.