back in town blog resurrection

I realize that I haven't written to you in a while. I don't remember where I left off, but let's talk. A few weeks back, on the dusty compound atop the rajiv chowk metro station, F was looking through my notes and drafts. There was a note about disappearing, and I don't think I could have explained it to him or anyone else. I went back on a blog deep dive later that day, and I cannot believe I am the same person who started this little diary. I am home now, for a while, and so much has changed, almost too much to fit into a veiled life update but we shall rant still.

It always feels like I'm sitting in a corner looking in at all these things happening. U isn't here anymore, and I can never have taipo again without thinking of her. I kind of want to know if the Sunday Sunset is still the tab wallpaper but I shouldn't write about R here, or at all. I don't think I could look J and That S in the eye anymore, and it's strange because it makes sense in my head but I cannot tell anyone because I'm not sure we are quite what we used to be. I keep thinking of them discussing the reasons and being completely off and I cannot correct them and I don't blame anyone but it sucks that the one person who would come close to understanding is miles away in a different city. Domino bro come here please. I have another day left in town, and I have so much I want to do and so much I can't, and in sort of a late epiphany, I realize that I will always come back here and delhi may be big and free and scary but I have people who will smile when I get home.

 Di planned a dinner, Gj shared her glasses, Pr lit my cigarette and woke up at 5 on a holiday to check on my flight, Nik walked back and forth on the same street to keep talking, Pr's sister faithfully whispered the big bad word in my ear, Sr and I got matching silly bows, and Nt got me a tiny clay bird from the fair. Ma made cake and said my hands are soft. I will never tell Vi that I cried on a metro thinking of him, but I think he understands.

It's probably a long long time, before I write about the people in delhi this fondly. But we will get there and I tell myself that I can live with what I've lost because I still have plenty. 

I'll write again, soon, perhaps more lightly.